Friday, December 16, 2011

Scars are Souveniers

I don't hate my C-section scar. It's something I didn't really think much about until I realized how many people I've spoken to have major hang ups about theirs and how it isn't attractive. Maybe it's the fact that I don't usually show off that particular area of my body randomly anyway (do people?!) or the fact that I've never had a major scar before, but... I find it sort of fascinating.

Sure, when it was all fresh and stitchy, it was gross. I tried not to mess with it anymore than I had to for cleaning and water. Because... ew. Stitches. In my BODY, people! It was a freakshow. I was not amused. But then the stitches dissolved, the glue started to peel, and things started getting back to normal. Now the scar is indented and fading from red to purple, and I actually find watching the change in it over time compelling. I enjoy seeing it change. I'm proud of the fact that I have that permanent reminder of just what I went through to have Pike. Would I be just as proud if I'd had a vaginal birth? Sure! But that's not how it happened, and this is the evidence of that. It's a fading snapshot of what we experienced, and I can't picture myself ever being upset to have that.

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Things about Pike: Week 18

  • He is getting closer to mobility all the time. He can push up onto his wrists and look around. I think seeing the kids at daycare crawl is actually motivating him to some degree.
  • Pike's grabbing things. Not a lot, but when something is put in front of him, he latches onto it. 
  • He giggles. He smiles. He laughs. He's slightly ticklish. It is AWESOME.
  • Fussing as a means of communication has become more common. He's understanding that when he fusses, he can tell us something is wrong. We're working to show him that other indicators and vocal cues have the same effect, but in the meantime it's interesting seeing what his "I'm fussing because I want __" sounds like.
  • He got his second round of shots last week. He weighed in at 11 lbs 13 oz, and is now around the fifth percentile for length and width and the 25th percentile for head size - on the NORMAL growth curve. No more premie stuff for our little man! The doctor said he can start trying rice cereal come January to see how he likes it, and he doesn't need his breast milk or formula fortified with the 22 calorie stuff anymore. She also said he's on the path to teething with his bottom two front teeth. Yay?
  • One of the biggest changes is that he's now in home care while Wes and I work during the week. I'm happy to say that it's going really well. He's been happy and clean and in good shape every day, and like I said above, I think seeing the other babies and toddlers doing things is making him wonder if he can do them too, which is very cool. 
  • Mostly, he's just absolutely adorable. We're still just feeling plain old lucky that we have a really awesome kid who is doing all kinds of cool things and who is healthy and happy despite having had a bit of a rough start.

Saturday, December 3, 2011

Body by Baby

One of the more surprising aspects of having Pike is that I don't hate my body. I'd kind of expected to. I mean, everything changes when you have a baby, right? You get gross and fat and icky. That's kind of the party line.

But I loved the way I looked pregnant. Sure, I had some extra chub in my face, and I got a few new stretch marks (expected - I already had some just from puberty, weight gain, etc.), but it was cool seeing Nooblet growing and changing and me changing with him.

After I had Pike, I was really too busy healing and worrying about him to sweat what I looked like much. I had my first surgical scar and getting that healed was my biggest physical concern.

I was floored by the fact that when I went back to work a week after Pike's birth, I was actually below the weight I'd been when I got pregnant. Some things (my stomach) were flabbier and a little more stretch-marky, but my weight had dropped quicker than I'd thought possible. Over the next few weeks, my muscles began to regain some tone, and soon I was fitting into regular pants again.

My weight has now evened out. I'm about where I was before I got pregnant, and give or take in the same place in terms of my measurements/fitness level. Maybe slightly below that on cardio, but it's coming back up. But I don't hate it. I don't look in the mirror and get grossed out by the fact that I'm a little more lumpy. I'd truthfully expected to. It doesn't hurt anything that Wes doesn't care about the stretch marks and the scar and any extra, um, curves that may have been a byproduct of having Pike. Let's face it, being wanted is always an ego boost, always a bump to your self confidence. So for now, while I'm not going to stuff my face without thinking of the consequences, I'm not in the market for a major diet or a body makeover. I'm really, really okay for right now with being me and being a mom.

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Waiting Impatiently at Band Back Together

Somehow I completely forgot to share with you guys the fact that I wrote up my version of Pike's birth story, and it was published at Band Back Together. If you have never visited the site, it's amazing. Wonderful people, wonderful stories, wonderful resource. If you'd like to get my take on everything up to just before Pike when home from the NICU, check this out:

Waiting Impatiently

Partners in Crime

I was thinking this morning that I'm very lucky. I'm not alone in this. I have someone who I can pass Pike to in the morning for a few minutes so I can toast some Eggos or make myself a cup of coffee. When I'm dead tired and just HAVE to sleep another five minutes on the weekend, Wes is there and willing to get up with Pike and give him a bottle so I can drift off again for awhile.

I don't know if I could be a mommy all on my own. It's what my mom did with my sister and for most of my life, and I have no idea whether I could. I'd make do if I had to, of course. How much Pike means to me is kind of shocking whenever I think about it, but at least part of what I love about having my son is having our family. I love watching Wes cuddling with him, watch them playing together.

I love the idea that Pike has a daddy who really cares about him. Wes wants to make his life good and wants to make sure he's happy and healthy and growing and learning. So I guess I'm not the only one who's lucky. I have an amazing husband who also happens to be an amazing daddy, and that makes all three of us pretty dang lucky.