Thinkin' and Wishin'

It's fascinating how frightening and exciting at the same time that it is getting closer to time. We haven't set a date yet. We're still paying down credit cards and getting ourselves all prepared. It's nice knowing that we're preparing. It's nice knowing that the time will come even if we aren't sure precisely when the time is.

It's also scary. I wonder some days whether I'll be a good mom. Okay, a lot of days. Sometimes I'm certain. Sometimes I know I'll do just fine, that I can take care of someone else and still keep my sanity. Then some days I'm run ragged and wonder how I can do work and keeping everything sane at home AND have a baby, not to mention how to pay for things like childcare. It scares me how much that costs!

But we'll figure it out. Somehow, we'll figure it out.

Wanting

I'm having one of those weeks where my want outweighs my common sense a bit. My body is ready, though my mind knows we need to get prepared still and work to where we need to go. It frustrates me a bit that every time we get on track, finances get in the way. We are, however, getting better. We're getting smarter and more practical, and we're on track. I'm just not having a patient week or two.

To Do

Things to do before we have a baby:

• Get our finances in order - We're actually well on our way to this, we just need to keep paying down debts like we're doing. Go us!

• Put wood floors down in the "animal room" - That will be the nursery, and there's no way I'm letting a kid onto those nasty carpets.

• Accumulate baby stuff - Slowly purchase some of the stuff we need so it doesn't all hit at once expense wise.

• Go through old kid stuff - Box up and label my legacy stuff so that it's ready for storage or kid use when the time comes.

Planning

I'm a planner. It doesn't always work, but I like to plot, to plan, to make sure I know what I'm doing before I do it.

So thinking about having a baby is definitely a surprise even to me. I never pictured myself reproducing. Quite the opposite. I was content to let my friends do it, to let them deal with the difficulty and the pain and the annoyance. And then one day I realized that I liked the idea of parts of having a kid and that, worse, I was slowly coming to like more and more of them.

This threw my personal perception off kilter in a serious way, and I admit that I'm not done entirely feeling off kilter yet. But my wonderful geeky guy and I have talked, and we're doing it. Not yet, but we are. Right now, we're planning the things we want done, figuring things out, and making sure to take care of us first. When the time comes, we'll have to put ourselves a bit further back on the priority list than we're used to.

Long story short? This is a blog (currently private) where we can spill all our thoughts and feelings and random rambling about having a child and expanding our family.