The Normalcy of Strangeness

Baby Vivian's Hand, originally uploaded by My Little Chickadee.

Last night I dreamt that Wes and I had just brought a gorgeous little baby girl home from the hospital. I kept being surprised to find that we had the things we needed (it was as if I was going from thinking about having a kid to being home with one). As the dream progressed, my memories of the hospital and stuff slowly began to fill in.

The really interesting part was that it was all very natural. It wasn't odd having her there or caring for her. We fit it all in with the things we usually did, we brought her along with us. She slept like an angel, and I was continually surprised by that. I reminded myself over and over during the dream to enjoy it because I didn't expect it to last.

It was interesting to have a dream about a situation so relatively foreign to me that was so restful.

Antici.... pation

I wasn't prepared for the anticipation of it. Once we decided, the want came along - naturally - but I didn't realize that once we started moving toward the event itself, I'd be quite so eager. I want to be pregnant. I want to have a child with Wes and see what that child will look like, how they'll act. I want to find out what kind of mom I'll be.

Part of me (the rational part, maybe?) is scared half to death too. Because what if I'm a TERRIBLE mom. What if we have a terrible kid who throws tantrums nonstop and enjoys throwing food? I really don't know. Right now I'm wishing and I'm hoping and I'm keeping my fingers crossed. So wish us luck and pray that I keep firm hold on my sanity (I'm trying, honest!).

The Wa-a-a-i-ting

Not not trying is going just fine.  Lots of the good stuff. You know what I mean. lol Of course it also adds a little weird thrill/fear/excitement. Because it could be anytime. It could be two years from now. We don't know - and we know we'd be happy whenever. Sure, I'd love to still be skinny and pretty the day we got married, plus be able to do a shot or whatever at the reception, but if I'm pregnant instead? That's fine too. It will be different, but it will be equally fine.

Once we get our craft room finished, we'll probably start working toward having our guest room/nursery in better shape. We want to do the floors and things like that. Prep work. :: nervous flutter ::

Not Not Trying

We're officially not NOT trying. Which doesn't mean we're trying exactly, but... you all know what I mean. We are off birth control and just letting things happen. We've planned a wedding for October, but if it comes down to it, we'll push that up and hit the courthouse and put our funds toward baby prep. The fact is that after eight years together, we're more worried about the idea of working on us and building our family than getting the proper piece of paper in the traditional way. I like that about us. Marriage means something, but it doesn't mean everything.

In any case, that's the latest and greatest. I am scared, excited, and feeling like I'll probably be spending the foreseeable future wondering if it's happened yet. Wish us luck!